Where's KF?

Hey, here's a quick list of where all you can find me on social media and fandom platforms:

• ladykf 
• ladykf 
• ladykittenfair 
• ladykf-writes 
• Pillowfort

Just click the individual things to get to any of those links. I'm using this space for backup, because I don't trust Tumblr right now and I refuse to lose all the work I've done.

Additional note, I suppose, while Tumblr is around... if you'd like to roleplay with me you can find me at the following:

• applesandashes (Genesis Rhapsodos, FFVII: Crisis Core)
• directorlazard (Lazard Deusericus, FFVII: Crisis Core)
• multifandommuseroulette (just what it says on the tin, a multifandom, multi muse rp blog)

See the sticky below this for my masterlist.

The Fandom Butterfly

An old friend of mine called me that once, because I couldn’t seem to stay fixed on anything. So, as an introductory post, I'd like to talk about the fandoms that have made the most impact on me.

Dragonball Z

I’m not sure if this was my first fandom, but it was most definitely my first to really suck me in and demand I do something with it. I did fanart, I did fanfic - the first thing I ever posted was DBZ, somewhere out on the webs under a different name. No I’m not bringing it back. I wrote a massive, never-posted trilogy chock full of OCs and looking back there were a couple by-real-definition Mary Sues but it really had a huge, formative place in my life.

This was way before I went onto FFN, in the start of it, before Ao3 even existed. This was dial-up and private archives, my first tentative forays into slash (and oh, it was… educational) and where I truly became enamored with fanworks. I did a lot of shipping and OOC and NOPE things that I cringe a little at, and some I’m proud of, some of both I don’t really go along with anymore. I count it as my first love. To this day, I get a stupid grin over Vegeta and Goku. (I also appreciate their respective wives much, much more.)

I suspect it is to blame for my love of tails, time travel fic, and definitely my flexibility on whether or not characters stay dead. It’s where I learned to draw (and boy, that’s a lot to learn to tweak for my style now) and where I started to really write.

 

Sailor Moon

Probably next on the list, it was close to the same time - I dearly loved it, and watched it on Toonami too. Almost all of it, actually, a couple times. I missed Stars season because it wasn’t in English and I didn’t have the patience for subs back then (I regret that.) To this day, I periodically slip into the fandom, usually seeking some of the things with the more manga-heavy backgrounds because Senshi/Shittenou is my favorite thing. It made me laugh and cry and will forever hold a place in my heart.

I think it’s also at least part of why I became so fond of reincarnation fic and soulmates, definitely the first time I started really appreciating femslash, too.

 

Star Wars

I was a prequels fanatic for so long. Some of that was dial-up too, AOL screaming in my ears before I could get on and go seek Qui/Obi in as many places as possible. I was definitely the type to trawl through archives, most fondly remembering the MA archives. *happy sigh*

I’ve fairly recently decided that had to be where I first read

thedeadcat's Re-Entry, and probably a lot more. Definitely more into slash, and where I first really started getting into AUs. H/C had always been huge for me, but I got such satisfaction of that because Star Wars is made for H/C.

 

Star Wars really got me into looking back into backstories, doing tremendous amounts of research everywhere I could get it. I have literal pages of dialogue and fan dictionaries in other languages - mostly Huttese and Mando’a - and notes on food and culture. All printed out, mind you - hard copy. To this day, I have several of the encyclopedias/reference books on various subjects and would love more if I just had the space. *desperately needs a taller bookshelf, the poor things are on their sides*

Then I got into KotOR and TSL, and I was sucked into the Old Republic era, and oh my god, it has made such a deep impression. Time travel became a big thing to me again, and redemption fics too. I also had a big kick on drawing in “obscure” characters and speculations on all the minute details - that hasn’t stopped, of course.

For several years, I spent a lot of time with a close friend playing The Old Republic MMO and it’s brought OCs to life for me with a power and depth even DBZ hadn’t given me. I really feel part of the universe, and while I’m most active in my last-to-be-listed fandom, Star Wars will forever own a piece of my heart and was tremendous in shaping me.

 

The Compilation of FFVII

Ye gods, this is the beast. I started reading before I played anything, back in the days when Cloud and Sephiroth and Zax were peers and the OT4 of Cloud/Sephiroth/Zack/Aeris was my thing. (If it’s written back that way, not counting Crisis Core, I still love it.) I lurked on Livejournal and was all over on FFN before I ever settled into my current ID as LadyKF. OCs were a huge deal again (still are!) and I read… so, so much. Some things maybe I shouldn’t have and some things I have no regrets and also no courage to post my tries on like mpreg and tentacles and anthro and but it’s where I really started flexing my fandom muscles again. And I think it’s also where I really started being a presence in fandom, my little corner of people who seem to really like what I do.

Time travel, relationships - and not all ships are sex or even romance and I get that now, more than ever - and all the worldbuilding and backstory because things are so richly done, but not all the details. Not all the fiddly bits I want and keep trying to write. I went through the stage where I was a fan via fandom and oh I had so many misconceptions and then I started digging into canon, I played a little bit of the OG on my friend’s PS1 and then there was PSP and Crisis Core and somewhere in there an emulator (trying OG again) and finally doing it on the PSP (which I did, finally, finish) and I’ve watched the vids for what I haven’t played, namely Dirge of Cerberus and Before Crisis.

Research research research, and I’ve written so much - over nearly 400K posted and my longfic is 230K+ of that - with so much support, and it’s where I’ve met most of my dearest friends. Three RP blogs over on Tumblr (directorlazard ,applesandashes andmultifandommuseroulette ) and a fansite - ff7central (also ff7central ) - trying to gather everybody together on a level I never dared before because I have so much love for fandom.

FF7 had me reaching out to people, giving comments and subscribing, faves and kudos and it means so much to me.

 

 

I have other fandoms I linger on the edge of - Pokemon, Legend of Zelda, Threads of Fate, MCU (mostly Avengers) - but these four are the ones that have truly shaped me into the writer and artist I am now.

FF7 Ficlet: Hojo & Jenova

A little pre-game headcanon, from back when the Jenova Project first began. [original Tumblr post]
 

---

“Gast thinks you’re an ancient,” Jirou mused, glancing up at the tank that held the creature in question. There was something human-esque about it, certainly, but the doctor didn’t buy into the theory that it was ancient in any way but old. “Two thousand years ago, trapped so deep in the ice and rock. I don’t think that was an accident.”

“They say talking to yourself is a sign of insanity, you know.” Lucas gave him an amused look, coming to view the tank himself. “You don’t think it can hear you, surely?”

“You never know.” He shrugged, considering it. “Maybe. There’s reason to think it might be semi-aware, somewhere in all that.”

Of course, the younger doctor scoffed at that, openly skeptical. “If it was alive the project wouldn’t have gotten a go ahead, Jirou.”

“You never know,” he repeated. “But you’ve seen the readings. You’ve looked at the samples. Even you had to have seen that some of them are very much active.”

It was almost funny to watch him squirm, making a face. “They’re just cells. Jenova is dead.”

“Mmhm, you sound so sure of yourself.” He chuckled softly, pushing his glasses up. “A dead Ancient, preserved so humans would one day dig ‘her’ up, study, and make new ones. Hah.”

“That’s the project you signed on for, you know!” Lucas was generally even tempered, but he tended to get rather angry if you flustered him. It was amusing. “The Jenova Project will change the world!”

“Oh that I believe.” He smiled darkly, leaning against the rail and watching him sputter. “It’s late, Lucas. Well past your bedtime, I’m sure. Why don’t you go get some rest.”

“Don’t you talk down to me!”

“I never talk down to anyone, Lucas, I meet them on their level.” His smirk was sharp enough to cut. “That just happens to generally be beneath me.”

“Get over yourself, you’re not that great! You’re not even the only doctor - and I’m younger than you.”

“Oh, well, by all means Doctor Hollander don’t let me hurt your feelings.” He laughed at the thought until he had to wipe tears from his eyes. “You’re ridiculous.”

“I wasn’t the one talking to a dead body because I can’t handle a civil conversation with living human beings, Doctor Hojo.” He sneered. “I might just leave before your insanity catches. Bad enough I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Mmhm.” The Wutain scientist was already turning back to the specimen in question, and didn’t turn even when the other man stomped off. “I don’t know what you are, Jenova, but I’m sure you’re no ancient. Still, if it gets us the funds… well… a chance to study a creature as old as the ancients that was sealed like some cursed demon? Sure. But don’t think for one second I’m going to just clone you like that idiot.”

Jirou Hojo set a hand on the tank, considering the chill of foreboding a challenge. “I can do better.”

FF7 Prompt Fill, five unconnected scenes

PROMPT: Write five unconnected scenes (300 words maximum each) involving only two characters. After reading all five, the reader should have a firm understanding of the two characters and their relationship.

I chose Sephiroth and Lazard, from FF7: Crisis Core. Obviously, not canon compliant, and at 3+ years old no longer entirely compliant with my headcanon timelines, but I do like it. It's not exactly in chronological order, but it still reads ok. [Tumblr post]

---

Scene 1: Lazard’s POV [211 words]

Heiddeger gave me a headache on the best days, but with casualty reports constantly coming in sleep was coming less and less, and I think I was about ready to just haul off and hit him to see if he was really that dense. The way he talked, like the men were just… expendable…. He didn’t even have the excuse that there was an overwhelming number of them - SOLDIER was a small, elite force. Not that anyone was expendable, but gods damn the man, sometimes he made me so angry.

Sitting at my side with quiet dignity, Sephiroth had just touched my wrist. Just a touch, but I was wound so tightly that I snapped my gaze to him.

A tiny smile danced on the edges of the general’s lips, understanding in his eyes. His voice was so soft, barely a breath, that it was almost more a matter of reading lips to be sure what he’d said.

’We know.’

It was just a moment, unnoticed by the others in those few seconds, but… slowly, I felt myself relax. There was no real point in fighting with Heiddeger - experience had proven that time and again. SOLDIER knew how I felt about them, and that was really what mattered.
 

Scene 2: Sephiroth’s POV [241 words]

Lazard was going to be the death of himself. It wouldn’t be an executive order, it wouldn’t be an assassination, it wouldn’t be from an ill-advised training exercise with the men - he was going to work himself to death.

It was easy to tell when he was exhausted, particularly once the glasses came off. His eyes were too bright, mako eating through increasingly lower reserves, and there was a dark bruising beneath them that spoke of many sleepless nights. He had trouble sleeping to begin with, but he’d get stuck in his own head and run himself in circles - more than once I’d returned from a mission in the dead of night and found him awake, sometimes not even fully changed as he plowed through paperwork.

It didn’t help that he’d gone and caught something - I couldn’t tell what, he was doing a good job hiding it, but there was a husky note to his voice that would normally have been quite enticing if I didn’t know it was from pain. The usual handkerchief was conspicuously absent halfway through the day, an occasional breathless sneeze escaping despite his efforts as his body rebelled.

The look on his face when I came in and took his coffee, replacing it with honeyed tea, was priceless. Somewhere between offended, embarrassed, and touched, but really, if the man wouldn’t take care of himself, then I suppose I had to do it myself.

 

( Read more... )

FF7 Ficlet: They Left

I had the pleasure of writing with a fantastic person who largely goes by crimson-sun, and we were doing a rp thread where, instead of just Genesis defecting, things spiralled out of control very quickly and both Angeal and Sephiroth went chasing after him. The parts that we did were dominantly between Lazard (done by me) and Hojo (done by Crim) where they were trying to deal with both calming down/getting the SOLDIERs back, and the fact that Genesis desperately needed cured - something that, barring literal divine intervention, only Hojo stood a chance at. It was full of feels and I may end up putting some of that together on here at some point just to archive it somewhere other than GoogleDocs.

But come around the holidays, even after we'd stopped the thread, Crim surprised me with a lovely piece of art, which I of course absolutely had to write a ficlet to go with. [Tumblr post here]



( Ficlet under the cut... )

FF7 Ficlet: Cared Enough to Hate

A little blurb I did on my original Lazard Deusericus rp blog (before it was forcibly and unwillingly rebooted). [Tumblr post]

---

Lazard stared, wide eyed, at the neatly stabbed corpse, and tried to understand the strange feelings it provoked. At his side, Sephiroth calmly flicked the blood off Masamune and sent a coldly smug look at Veld as the Turks milled about, ‘handling’ the results of the president’s untimely demise. The rest of the board, standing well away from them, barely registered. “You killed him.”

“I did, yes.”

He was so calm, a perfect grounding compared to the storm of emotion threatening to drown his lover, who just looked at him with the same wide eyes. “You killed him.”

“And this is why I didn’t let you do it.” Catslit green eyes glanced his way, a flicker of a smile on his lips. “It was overdue, of course, and you would have for us, in a fit of protective rage no doubt. But it would tear you apart, well before the Turks would. You cared too much.”

“I hated him,” he whispered, knowing it was true. But then, why did it hurt?

“I know,” Sephiroth said softly, stepping forward to get a chair and lightly pushing him into it; he couldn’t protest, somewhere between numbed and an unexplainable pain. “And you hated him enough to kill him, but he was your father.”

“Sire,” he corrected automatically. “He was no father to me.”

“Enough to hate him.” He shrugged, glancing back at the body. “Enough for me to know that this task could not be yours.”

“I hated him,” he repeated numbly, assuring himself it was true, but finding no solace in his conviction. “Hate him.”

“A dangerous poison, hate,” Sephiroth mused quietly. “Sometimes, it does help to act on it. But not always. And this would not have quenched yours.”

“I should be grateful.” The glasses came off with no care for the faint glow even the contacts allowed for as he rubbed his forehead.

“Didn’t you tell me it was alright to hurt?” The words were gentle, for his ears only, though their closeness was more obvious than either of them had ever allowed before in public. “Let yourself feel. It’s normal, is it not?”

“I… yes.” He sighed heavily, feeling unreasonably tired. “You killed him for me.”

“I did, though I know you would never have asked it.” He shrugged, silver bangs swaying as he tilted his head. “What would they dare do to me, after all, even if it was not the better choice for your well being in subtler ways?”

Lazard laughed, the sound a bit strangled. “I suppose I owe you a kill, then?”

Green eyes glanced his way, puzzled. “Pardon?”

“Your father,” he explained, the sudden amusement in green eyes making him arch a brow. “What?”

“If the time comes, I assure you I’d manage myself,” he said, still looking so very amused.

Lazard didn’t understand it. “Isn’t that a bit contradictory?”

Sephiroth sighed, smiling faintly and shaking his head. “It would be no burden to me, Lazard; I never cared enough to hate him.”

Understanding began to dawn, though he tried to reject it instinctively, to deny it even to himself. “Never…”

“Hate is emotion - a very powerful emotion,” he said. “He inspires no such thing. I assure you, should it be necessary, the only difficulty I will have is the sheer amount of paperwork it will generate.”

The blond shook his head slightly. Paperwork. He was worried about paperwork? “You’re lucky.”

“Mm.” He shrugged again, a faint smile still curving his lips. “Something like that.”

FF7 Prompt Fill, "You Left"

[Tumblr post] A little snippet during the Nibelheim Incident.

---

He had listened to Genesis’ words in the reactor, dark words in the lyrical tones of the man he’d once called friend. Edged words, aimed to cut. To hurt.

Little did he know, he’d already cut him to the bone, already hurt him far deeper than he had ever been hurt before.

A monster, am I? You may think you know, Genesis; Zack told me what you’ve said. What you believe. What Angeal believed, in the end.

He summoned his blade with little more than a thought, clearing a path through the basement of the manor, musing darkly as he watched the monsters die at his hand. So many had died at his hands, with a casual flick of a blade. He knew death intimately, had known death before the auburn haired swordmage had swept in and burned life into his existence. He was a flame, bright and enticing, tempered by the earthy stability of Angeal.

Angeal was dead now, and Zack wore the weight of his blade and a scar on his cheek.

Sephiroth’s scars could not be seen, but that didn’t make them any less real, any less painful a reminder.

Are we monsters, Genesis? Maybe we are. We were so different from everyone, the three of us, at the lonely peak of so-called perfection. I never asked to be the hero, you know. I would have gladly given it to you, the one who seemed to flourish in the spotlight, and been happy to settle as support.

It didn’t matter, back then. So what if we were different? We were different together. We had each other, so it was okay. We had one place we belonged in the world - beside each other. Was that not enough for you? It was all I’d ever wanted.

And now you come here, years after leaving - after leading me on a wild chase and taunting me with that damn poem - on the brink of self destruction, and call me a monster. The perfect monster, and yet you want me to be your savior as well? Am I to be the hero after all?

I never wanted to be the hero. I am so very tired of being the hero, but you could never imagine it. And I’m so tired of everyone trying to define what I am. Is it so important, the title over the man?

I’m so tired of this, Genesis. So very tired of all of this. Of ShinRa and SOLDIER and you.

I’m tired of this pain, of being kept in the dark and fed half truths all my life by people I ought to be able to trust.

He found himself in a library and glanced around, sighing quietly. He had a mission yet to finish, but he just… didn’t want to deal with that right now. The escape into written word was tempting and he banished his blade to examine the books, wishing he could just turn off his mind. Shut off his heart.

You’ll never know how much you’ve hurt me, Genesis. You never knew you meant so much that you could hurt me, I suppose. But I can be hurt, even if I can’t cry.

Am I a monster? That might be easier than being a man, a man who feels and thinks and hurts.

Maybe I should have stayed. Talked to you. Tried to talk to you sooner - I know Zack had resented me for sending him. Angeal’s puppy… he means well. But he can’t replace Angeal. Can’t replace you. You two were the only ones I ever truly called friend, did you know? All this time, I’d held onto a foolish thread of hope. I would have helped you in any way I could, if you had just talked to me. You would rant about that play for hours, and I listened even though it drove me crazy because it mattered to you and you mattered to me.

He shook his head, pinching the bridge of his nose. He was working himself into a headache with his circling thoughts. His last words in the reactor came back to haunt him, his temper finally having gotten the best of him - ’It makes no difference; you will rot.’

He should feel guilty, he supposed, but by now he just wanted to stop feeling. To stop caring. To stop hurting.

Perhaps I’m a monster for denying you, Genesis. But you started this all. If we had stuck together, even if we were monsters, it could have been okay.

But you left.

SWTOR fanfic: Shatterpoint

This is a little backstory snippet I wrote exploring the idea behind the main characters in my SWTOR legacy, where the Jedi Consular and Sith Inquisitor were twins. Obviously not canon, but it worked out interestingly. You can find more about them on my old rp blog for them, askcarminelegacy and is also posted up on my Ao3 here.

Title: Shatterpoint

Fandom: Star Wars, SWTOR

Rating: Gen

Summary: Everyone wants to think their children will go on to have bright futures, but Jianna didn't want her grandchildren burdened with the weight of destiny. Yet there was nothing to be done; the Seer could not unsee what she had seen, and a shatterpoint could not be denied - only influenced by careful action. Even then, there was no guarantee things would work out for the best, and she wouldn't have blamed her son if he balked at the thought of putting his newborn twins on such a painful path just on the hope they could bring an early end to the war.

But they were Jedi, in the end, and it really was no choice.

---

Seventeen years before the treaty of Coruscant, a pair of twins were born to the House of Carmine on Corellia. Both the son and daughter were tested for Force sensitivity, given the family’s long history of Jedi, but even as the test was being run, even before the children were named, their father was approached by his mother.

Jianna was the only Jedi in their line to have experience with the perception of shatterpoints, and quietly informed her son that both of the twins were involved in one she had foreseen. The event hinged on keeping the twins home on Corellia, to train at the Enclave where the rest of the Jedi of their house called home when they were not on missions - or sending them to the primary temple in Coruscant.

Li’shael balked immediately at sending his children away, but recognized that to be the instinctive reaction of a parent’s fierce attachment. Though the knight believed in the value of family bonds, as the rest of the Green Enclave did, he was also quick to check and make sure his attachments never blinded him to the will of the Force and the overall good. There was time yet to consider things before the children would have been turned over to the Enclave anyway, time to think and speak with his wife.

Ashana didn’t want her children out of range either, but though she herself was not a Jedi she had been taught much about the ways and skills of her family over the years and understood the gist of her mother-in-law’s talent. While her children nursed, she asked to speak alone to the older woman, to hear what she had seen in as much detail as possible.

Even the knights such as Jianna dubbed Jedi Seers could not foresee every eventuality, and she rarely aimed purposefully to view future possibility - the future was ever changing, and she saw more danger in self fulfilled prophecy than in any good that would come of assuming one outcome was inevitable. Shatterpoints, however, were a fixed event. Like the gathering of the edges of every facet in a Corusca gem created a single fault where one precise touch would shatter it, so it was that even the slightest change in a shatterpoint event could change the outcome entirely.

The images were unclear, but their results were not; if the twins stayed on Corellia, a series of events crucial to the survival not only of Corellia and the Jedi but the very Republic itself would not occur. The dark times they now suffered would extend for an unknown period of time. These possibilities did remain if the pair went to Coruscant, but it was only there that there was a chance to reclaim peace and security sooner.

It seemed unreal. Looking down at the bundles of auburn fluff and innocent blue eyes, Ashana fought with herself. Even though she hadn’t expected the family to get to train the children, she’d assumed they would be near, in reach - only as far as the Green Enclave in the capital. But Coruscant… that was no day trip, and contact would be limited. It was rare the Corellian Jedi were ever asked to take missions beyond their system, due to the High Council’s reluctant acknowledgement of the strong family ties centric to Corellian culture. It would be a definite sacrifice to let them go, and to let both go was painful, regardless if it was believed necessary.

In the end, however, Ashana and Li’shael agreed that the twins would be sent to the primary temple on Coruscant for training. They allowed themselves a month with the little ones, time for Ashana to recover enough to join her husband on the first and last trip before turning them over to the masters in the crèche.

There was still no guarantee that the twins would grow to follow any of the paths that led to success, but the arrival of young Gen-jial and Saare on Coruscant passed them through the foreseen shatterpoint and in the right direction.